Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Updated Pictures

My amazing friend Jen loving Hugo!

This week there was a bonding trip to Haiti that Rob and I weren't able to go on. It has been hard as I really just long to be there and really hate that I am not.

But I am blessed with amazing friends that are there visiting their children and have taken pictures for me and send them to me. I am so thankful to see Hugo in them and see him getting loved by my favorite people.

Monday, October 10, 2011

All Quiet on the Adoption Front

It has been a while since I did an update. Partly because I don't have much to update, partly because I have had a hard time coming to grips with what has been happening. I have cautioned on the side of not posting every feeling I have, the minute I have it. But let's face it. That isn't like me. I am an emotional oversharer. It took me a long time to be okay with that, but I am now and that is okay. And now I am bursting at the seams to get it all out.

Sometimes sharing things hurts you, you tend to open yourself up to criticism, opinions and all sorts of comments. And especially in this adoption process. While most people have been more than loving and supportive, there are always those that aren't. Or those that think they are but are just breaking you down with their "support". And in some ways, that has made me more guarded, which is probably good. I think that is a lesson I needed to learn. But I also don't want it to take away from the person I am. The oversharing maniac that you all have come to know and love.

So here we go! On August 26th, our adoption lawyer, Kiki, passed away. It was devastating. It was sudden. He and his brothers run the orphanage that Huguenson lives in and they run like a family. And therefore, when you lose a member of that family, you grieve like a family. Kiki was a compassionate man who worked harder than anyone I know to help our children find their forever homes. He loved our kids. He worked hard for them. He gave his life over to them through his work. He will be greatly missed. I only had the pleasure of meeting him briefly but his hand has been on every part of our adoption process. We have prayed for his family and friends. For all the children. For the caretakers that loved him like a brother. It has been a devastating time for all of the Maison family.

Through such a sad time, to ask about things like paper trails, government timelines, updates on our file, seems so insensitive. And it is. The guilt I felt for wondering how this all was going to effect us, has been unmeasurable. But as adoptive parents, our minds went to what kind of delay was this for our getting Hugo home. How will this delay the completion of our family. The measure of that we probably won't know. Our paperwork is in IBESR so it is being processed with the government and therefore it could mean no delay. We really don't know. What we do know is that we hope to hear soon that it is ready to move to the next step and bring us 1 step closer to bringing him home.

We had to redo some paperwork for our file as Kiki was our Power of Attorney in Haiti. We have done that and last week got word that document was on its way to Haiti. So it is a step. A step in the direction of maybe knowing something more about where we are at sooner, hopefully rather than later.

It has been an emotional time. A sad time. I always knew that the adoption process was going to be hard on us. On me. And I didn't know how that would effect me. I have been stronger in ways. Weaker in ways. I have felt so much guilt for feeling so selfish in this. I have felt guilt for Adriana and how to balance my need to be in Haiti with Hugo constantly on my mind to being present and here for her. It is not fair to her to have half a mom. She doesn't deserve that. I have felt a loss for Hugo not being with me that sometimes feels unbearable and feels like a punch right to my gut. But through all, I have learned what a great family we are. I have the most amazing daughter that really truly is so excited to meet her brother. And although she doesn't quite understand, her enthusiasm has been catching. I have learned that I have the most wonderful husband who has been a rock. A rock I needed but also has been emotional and felt all I have felt. The difference is he has dealt with it with a grace that I wish I possessed. And I have the most amazing little boy that will be home to us soon. And we will be complete.