Latest Picture of our Boy

I got this photo from the orphanage last week. We call it "Camo Hugo" as that shirt makes him blend into the wall. It is awesome. What makes me happier (and I am not sure why) but this is a shirt I bought for Hugo for my trip and sent it to the orphanage with him when I left. And it makes me furiously happy to see him in it.

We also got an update that he is now participating in more songs and games at school each day. I have this picture of his defiance for these things and watching him slowly giving in to having fun. When it is probably just because he is getting acclimated to being a part of a school type setting, I like my picture better. It just means he will fit in so well here. My little rebel. It just makes me more excited to get him home and get to know and see his personality on a daily basis. I already have bits and pieces from our trip that I have molded together. I am really ready to see the whole picture.

The Not So Fun Anniversaries

So today we hit a date that I am not particularly happy about. As of today, we have officially been in IBESR (Haitian Social Services) and awaiting approval so we can move forward in the adoption process for 8 months. When I say 8 months it doesn't seem like a truly long time. But when you live 8 months, waiting for an email or a phone call that you have moved forward, it gets long! It has has been 8 months since we have had any update on our adoption file because nothing happens until we get out of IBESR. And when I think of it that way, it feels even longer.

At the end of last week I was stuck on a very low point in all of this. Not only had my patience run out, I was very angry. Mad at the world. Mad at Haiti. Mad at everything. Just so upset that I have to keep living life without one huge part of it with me. I didn't want to make plans. I didn't want to move forward at all. Because it feels unfair to move forward without Hugo here with us. We talked of things to do as a family and it just made me more upset. This happens a lot but never quite as severely as it hit me last week. I even got to a point that I didn't believe that he was ever coming home. That is when Rob stepped in. He is pretty good about staying silent and letting me vent or do my crazy mom thing. But he calmly talked to me and said, without any doubt or uncertainty, that Hugo will be home someday and things will be ok. He is the rock. He is the level headed one that will keep me from being committed.

And I know that what he was saying is true. I feel that in my heart. I feel guilt for losing faith in all this. And the guilt I felt for feeling like he would never be here, was a little overwhelming. But the sad fact in all of this is that anger does nothing productive. Sure, it makes me crazy and a little scary to be around, but who wants that? It does nothing to move things forward or bring Hugo home. So I had to let it go. I have to move forward. Because that is the only thing that makes sense and is fair to Adriana, Rob and me. And to Hugo. He deserves for me to stay strong and positive and productive in this journey to get him home.

So today I am trying to change my attitude, not let the demons get the best of me. To move forward on a positive note. The 8 month mark is not really helping that. But we knew that this could take long. Our time frame for IBESR was 4 months to 24. So the reality is, we are not even half way to the worst case scenario. But as with everything, I saw people getting through this part in 2 to 4 months and it gave me hope that it would happen for us too. But it hasn't. And well. I have to be ok. I have no other option.

My beautiful boy

Here is my favorite picture from my trip. Hugo and I really had a lot of fun and silly times together (as well as some challenging ones..which I honestly loved because it just made me feel like his momma).

I have debated doing a slide show about this trip since I don't have as many pictures, but it seems to be good therapy for me so I think one will come soon.

Heading back to Haiti

This Sunday I will be heading back to Haiti to visit my sweet boy. I am really excited but also a little sad as Rob is not going with me. Because of work and so we don't strain our family babysitting resources, Rob has decided to stay home and take care of Adriana while I go. I will miss him and he will miss having his time with Hugo, but I think this begins the parental split of having multiple children. We must learn to use our time wisely especially until Hugo gets home. For both our kids' sakes. Our split though just happens to cross international waters. :)

We have no real update on our adoption. We continue to be in IBESR. We are closing in on 8 months and while we were told it would take anywhere from 4 months to 24, we were hoping to be on the lower end of that timeframe. I am really hoping we hear something soon. It is hard to go month after month without any news. But I am very thankful for these trips and that we are lucky enough to be able to go and see Hugo as much as we can. It is a blessing.

Some great news on the adoption front for some other families though. A group of families adopting from our orphanage have received their adoption decrees and that means that in the eyes of Haiti, their children's adoptions are finalized and they are awaiting for their passport and Visa to come home. I am so excited and happy for these families. Their kids are amazing and deserve to get home to their loving families. It is a great week for the adoption world as a whole. Hoping for some more good news for other families waiting too. But seeing these families complete the process brings hope to everyone waiting.

What a difference a year makes

Taken by a mission group, Grangou, that was in Haiti for Christmas and had a Christmas party for the children at the orphanage

December 2011

December 2010

Much of my time is spent on the internet. For many reasons. But I spend an insane amount of my spare time searching for pictures of Hugo on the internet. Facebook, You Tube, Blogs. All of it. Many mission teams visit Maison throughout the year and many have photo albums of the children as well as video. So much of my time is spent going through strangers photos and videos just for a glimpse of him. Our Team Haiti group is also amazing at finding new Facebook albums for us to go through. It sounds a little crazy to spend my time going through things. But it truly does make me feel connected to Haiti and the orphanage.

I have only found the above pictures of Hugo in all of these albums but it also makes me very happy to see all of the other children that live with him. To see pictures of my friend's children they are waiting to adopt and some of the faces of the kids that we fell in love with on our trips. Hugo is not the only Haitian kid that consumes my thoughts on a daily basis. I feel so much love for so many of the children there. They are all beautiful, charming, happy children and to be around them is truly a gift. I would venture to say Rob agrees with me as on our last trip, I sent him for pics and he came back with an arm full of kid. :)

The last picture above is a picture I found right before Christmas. This picture is most special to me because it was the very first picture we received of Huguenson and the picture that grabbed us, pulled us in and started the process of us falling in love with him. It was taken in December of 2010 when he was 4 months old. I absolutely love it. When we received his information the picture was in a word document and not great quality. But it is the only picture we have of Hugo before he was 6 months old. His only true baby/newborn picture we will ever have of him. So when I found it, I was very excited. It was taken by a photographer that visited Haiti and took photos for the orphanage. I contacted her to see if I could buy a digital copy or prints of this picture and any other she may have. She is such a nice lady and is going to look and see if she has anymore of him to send to me. She has no idea how much this means to me. But I will make sure she knows.

Happy New Year to all the kids at Maison. May this be the year that you get home to your families are find your forever family to love you and care for you.

Merry Christmas Huguenson!

Merry Christmas to my sweet Hugo.

This was the most amazing year as it is the year that Hugo came into our lives. Our lives were made richer and fuller because of him and we are so thankful every day that we get to be his parents.

It is bittersweet to celebrate the holidays and have happy times with our family but not have him here. There is a huge void that can only be filled by having him come home. He is in our hearts and on our minds every moment.

We have his pictures everywhere and they will have to do until he is here with us. The waiting is hard, it hurts. It tests us every day. But I know this is all worth it. He is worth it.

Merry Christmas everyone. Hug your loved ones tight and keep them close.

December Bonding Trip

Here is our trip in pictures. More to come.

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