Haiti July 2011

The trip we have been waiting for came! And now we are home again. We have been home for a couple days and I still haven't begun to process those 5 days. I think it is going to be a while. How to you process going to Haiti for the first time. Experiencing that country (although our time there was so short). Meeting our son for the first time. And the pure agony we felt when we had to leave him to come home. We are still feeling it and I am not sure that it will go away until we have him home.

I think this will be the first of several posts. And I am working on getting a slideshow done to show our pictures. There are so many I want to share and too many to list out on here. And I want to talk about the people and kids we met that impacted us so much while we were there. So this is the first of many posts on our time in Haiti.

I will start out by saying our son is GORGEOUS! We were smitten the minute we saw him. His eyes. His lips. He is perfect. I realize, as his parents, we are biased, but I can't help but think the whole world would agree with me. :) He has more hair than most 5 year olds and I could not get enough of it. I think I hugged and kissed him about 200 times a day. His skin was beautiful. I could go on and on and on....

When we first met Huguenson at the orphanage, he was pretty mello. He came to us right away but didn't smile much or really react much at all. He is very observant and is aware of every little thing that goes on around him. He misses nothing. He is curious, got really interested in all noises around him, especially car or truck noises and horns. In the 4 days we got to be with him, he was the same calm, even tempered child that he was in those first few moments. As he got more comfortable with us, he did show us some emotion. Lots of laughs and giggles. And he got mad at us too. He is not afraid to let you know if you are doing something he loves or hates. It was not hard for us to figure out what he wanted and needed. We truly got into a great routine with him very quickly.

He seemed to be very comfortable with us and many commented on this that saw us throughout the week with him. He was very attached to us and to me, and I like to believe that he knows, as we do, that he is meant to be our little boy and that we are meant to be his parents. I felt like his momma the minute I met him and I think he knew it.

In our time there, we spent a lot of time with him at the orphanage, back at our hotel and took him with us when we went on a tour of Port au Prince. Most of our time was spent just playing and being with him.

We got to take him swimming for the first time back at our hotel. He did not seem too excited or unhappy about it. He clung to Rob or I, whoever had him in the water. He never wanted to be far from our shoulder but did perk up a bit when he realized how fun it was to splash water with his hands. He also was completely fascinated with a beach ball that was floating in the water. He reached and grunted for it whenever he saw it and when we reached it, he would grab it with both hands and hold it high above his head.

He did a lot of mimicking what Rob and I would do and every time I held my arm out to take a pic with our camera, he would go the exact same thing with whatever toy he had in his hand. He also was a big fan of high fives. When he did something that we think he perceived as being a good boy, he would quickly clap his hands together twice then give us a big smile. Did I mention his smile? It is infectious and melted my heart each and every time I saw it.

Leaving him was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Being home and not having him with us is a special kind of torture. It makes me feel sad and have a pit in my stomach constantly. I think I am doing better than we thought, but I also think the love I feel for him and the determination to get him home is so fierce in me now, that it carries me through the day. Plus we have our amazing daughter here that helps keep us busy and gets me out of bed each morning. I am not sure I could do it without her.

While we were there, we completed filing our I600 with the US Embassy and completed signing our intent to adopt at the Haitian court. These are 2 important steps to getting our paperwork processed and getting him home. Our paperwork is in process with ISEBR (with the Haitian government) and has been since June 6th. This process was taking over a year before the earthquake and now is taking, on average, about 4 months. So things are moving more quickly than before. Which is encouraging. I still think we have a long road but this gives us hope that we can have him home sooner than we thought before.

Two weeks from today

We leave for Haiti in 2 weeks from yesterday and by this time in 2 weeks, we will be with Hugo! I really cannot wait! It seems like I have been waiting for forever and now, it is here.

And as excited as I am, my anxiousness is probably just as high. I am anxious to leave my daughter here (even though we have left her in the past and she has been fine. And my family will take amazing care of her) and anxious to travel. It is no secret I hate to fly and this trip, well, it is one of the biggest of my life to date, and I have a feeling that plane ride will seem more claustrophobic than any other flight to date. I feel like everyone should wish Rob a big good luck because he will get to deal and calm this craziness in me. Poor guy.

But it all be worth it! I will get to hold him in my arms. He will get to stay with us. But of course I worry about that too. I don't want him to be scared and he probably will be. But I hope that he will feel the love that Rob and I have and that will carry us all through.

We have bought him clothes. A swimsuit. A bear blanket with his name on it to leave with him. Things that parents buy for their kids daily and don't give a 2nd thought to. I do it for Ade. But I have never felt so excited to buy a 5 dollar swimsuit. It is such a weird experience that my first shopping trip for Hugo to be 9 month size clothes. Size 3 diapers. We will be meeting him a week shy of his 1st birthday.

We will also be coming home without Hugo. This is something my heart and head cannot even begin to process or understand. Well, my head knows. My head knows that this trip is necessary because we will get some of the steps done in this long process to get him home. My head knows that we will do what we have to do to make that happen. All my heart knows this trip is so I can meet him, hold him and see him. To love him in person, instead of from afar, like we have been doing. My heart cannot wait to get there. But cannot comprehend leaving him there, not getting to be his mom every day in every sense of the word.

And in all honesty, my heart, and head, cannot comprehend what it is going to be like. Meeting him, being with him and leaving him. I cannot begin to imagine the emotions we are going to feel. The joy, the happiness, the pain and the sadness. This is a whole new world for us. I just hope I have the strength to get through it. And remember the love, the happiness. Always the love and have that carry us through.

Maybe I was a little excited...

So in my last post I put that we are going to Haiti in July. Which we are and we are so excited. But I may have misled why we were going. I have seemed to have confused more than a few people.

We are heading to Haiti in July and we get to meet our boy. We will only be there for 5 days and our main purpose is to meet and bond with Hugo, to go to the Embassy and the Haitian court to declare our intent to adopt. Unfortunately, my most important objective in all this, bringing him home, will not happen on this trip. We will be coming home without him. Which right now I cannot imagine. But I will have to find a way to remember that this is all a part of the master plan and must happen to bring him home.

We are heading to Haiti!

I am happy to report we got confirmation last week that our appointment with the Embassy was confirmed and we will be heading to Haiti at the end of July!

We cannot wait. It is truly not that far away so I probably should get myself together. Figure out who will be taking care of my child here and what we need to get together to go.

So excited to meet my boy!!!!

Our Orphanage

I found this video today of Maison Des Infantes, the orphanage that Hugo currently resides in. I was really really nervous to click on it and see it. Through our adoption research and classes, we have seen many pictures and videos of some pretty awful places where kids live. That has always been in the back of my mind, how am I going to react if I get there and his living conditions doesn't meet the minimum standards for child care. I realize we are dealing with a 3rd world country that is the poorest in the Northern Hemisphere and that knew that living conditions are not good really anywhere in the country. But still, there is a part of you that hopes that your child is in a place that at least gets his basic needs met.

We have a friend that has been to Haiti many times since the earthquake and has visited some orphanages there. He told us that we needed to expect the worst and pretty much what we think is the worst we will see, will not compare to what we will actually see. This keeps me up at night. Not only for Hugo, but for all these kids. And it is something that is probably not going to change in the immediate future.

Fortunately, Haiti also has many mission based orphanages and centers that have come in to try and create better situations for these kids and many families in Haiti. The orphanage where Hugo resides is one of these. It was created with adoption of these children in mind, so when people bring their children here, they are bringing them because they want better for their kids. And after looking at this video, I feel a little relieved that he is in a place that seems to live up to what we were told. There is a school for the kids. Many different rooms to play and an outside courtyard to run. I am sure I will feel differently once I am there, but for now, I have a peace of mind that he is in a place that was created to love and nurture these kids the best they can with the resources they have. It may not look like much compared to what we all have here, but in the realm of orphanages, I can assure you, it is a lot. In the babies sleep room there is the blue bumbo that we have a picture of Hugo sitting in. Makes me feel closer to him to see where he spends his days.

www.forhisgloryoutreach.org/our_orphanage

After watching this and feeling relief for my child, I can't help but feel sad and helpless for the kids that are not in a place like this. And a bit guilty for the relief I feel. I just hope that the other kids have someone praying and fighting for them to have better.

We have a Match!

So as you can see, by the feel and posts of this blog, I have been a tad bit frustrated with the match part of this adoption process. Was told we would be matched with our child late January. That turned into February. For sure in March. Then each week, well maybe next week. Both Rob and I were pretty convinced that this may be the way the rest of our lives were going to go and that it may never happen (we are not dramatic at all...)

Back in March, we got some news that one of the little boys we were interested in had become unadoptable. So it seemed that the choice was going to be made for us. Which, honestly, is something I so much appreciated. Making the choice between the 2 boys felt like it would be agony. We waited for so long on both of their files that you tend to kind of fall in love with each of them. And as sad as it was to find out one of them was not available, both Rob and I felt that it was right for us and happened exactly how it was suppose to.

Last Friday, when we had about given up hope that we would get any information, I got a call at about 4:00 from the adoption agency and they were emailing the file over!!! It was my birthday and by far the BEST birthday present I could have ever asked for. I can't even describe how excited or amazing that moment was. It transformed what had been a pretty awful week into something great for both Rob and I.

So I am pleased to announce we are officially in process of adopting Huguenson Etchepare (aka Hugo as we have chosen to call him over the past few months). He is about 8 months old and quite possibly the most beautiful boy in the world.

From this point, we have turned in all our paperwork to send to Haiti. From here, the agency will set up a bonding trip for us to go visit Hugo and file our I600 paperwork in Haiti. We are hoping to go to Haiti in June for all of this. After that, we come home and have to wait for things to process. The estimated timeframe for all this is 18 to 24 months which seems agonizing to me. I am hoping that we have the opportunity to visit more times within that time before we get to bring him home. I can't imagine waiting that long to see him again.

But at this point, we are just elated that we have officially matched with our son! We will ride that high and hope for the best when it comes to the rest.

If only my adoption was as easy as adopting on TV

So this post is going to reveal my love for cheesy, teenage, CW dramas. That is right. I love them. I will be 35 next month and I watch shows that target a 16 to 24 year old demographic. But this really isn't a post about confessions. :) So I shall move on...About a month ago on the show One Tree Hill a character, who found out last year she could not birth children, and her husband decided they would adopt. I must say, the speech her husband gave on the show to convince her to adopt was amazing. I actually even sent a tweet to the star (ok another confession, I love Twitter and she directly responded to me which made my day) in support of the story line. It was so beautiful and heartfelt and I was so excited for the show to take on an adoption journey.

***Before I go any further, let me write a disclaimer.....I realize that this is TV and they cannot drag things out for 2 years like real life and have to solve their issues in 1 hour a week. I get that. I didn't expect it to be as painfully long as it is in real life.***

The next week's show had them doing their home study. Only it took like a day and they met a birth mom (it is a domestic adoption). They left that feeling hopeful and excited. The next day on the show, the birth mom showed up at their house. (OK that would never happen. No way.) Of course the potential adoptive mom was drinking a beer and having fun with her friends and all sorts of kooky things about her past slipped out of their mouths, mortifying the birth mom. So a heartfelt speech to the birth mom followed about her past and how she had changed and the birth mom immediately decided she was going to give them their baby. Tears, happiness and screams ensued.

So in the last episode that I watched yesterday, the baby was doing great and ahead of schedule and decided to come a month early. Cut to shot of excited and nervous birthparents still trying to decide on paint colors for the baby's room and freaking out they won't have the room done. But it is ok, they go to the hospital and pick up their baby.

And scene! In 3 weeks of episodes, and in only 2 weeks of actual time gone by on the show, they decided to adopt, got a baby and are bringing the baby home. If only it were that easy. Like I said before, I knew it wouldn't be as long as the real process, but I think I expected them to show the pain of waiting and how hard it is to wait for your adoptive child and that it is a long and serious process. And at least take more than THREE weeks of episodes to play out the adoption story.

I have noticed that a lot of shows lately with adoption stories follow this model. I am sure it always has but my life situation has now made me hypersensitive and aware of all things adoption all the time (and believe me, I thought it was before. Being an adopted child I have always gravitated interest towards these story lines.) And I don't think my problem is with the shows per say, but maybe my own frustration in the wait of us getting matched with our child. I know adoption is a long process. I know time frames given are really broad and normally aren't accurate. I know. I have tried to prepare myself and learn that this will test every bit of patience I have in me. I have also reminded myself this is all happening in the way it is supposed to and that in the end, it will be so amazing it won't matter. But right now, I am truly frustrated. We were told at the beginning of December that we should be matched within a couple weeks with our child. I knew that it was probably unreasonable, but still had some hope. Cut to a month later, the beginning of January, when we were given a list of children and narrowed it down to 2. We were told by narrowing it down to 2 we would get paperwork and their files faster and if not, it would still be a couple months. Cut to a couple months later, still waiting for said files that wouldn't take 2 months. Our dossier has been completed, translated and certified and cannot move any farther at this point. Two weeks ago we were told that things were moving and we would have the file anyday. Well today is still any day and I still have nothing.

So I guess my frustration lies within being so close, yet feeling so far from progress. I know that is the process of adoption and this will not be the last time I am frustrated, but for tonight, I am going to be. I am going to wish I lived in a world of make believe where a baby comes to you in 2 weeks. (and side note, when my parents adopted me, they had me within 2 months of making the decision. So it can happen fast in the real world. But very, very, very rare. And don't think right now I am not bitter at them too for getting their baby so fast. ha ha)

So tonight I am mad. But tomorrow I will get out of bed, put back on my optimistic game face and hope that tomorrow is "any day" and we will get the information we need to move forward and get our son.

Stupid TV.