Sunday, March 20, 2011

If only my adoption was as easy as adopting on TV

So this post is going to reveal my love for cheesy, teenage, CW dramas. That is right. I love them. I will be 35 next month and I watch shows that target a 16 to 24 year old demographic. But this really isn't a post about confessions. :) So I shall move on...About a month ago on the show One Tree Hill a character, who found out last year she could not birth children, and her husband decided they would adopt. I must say, the speech her husband gave on the show to convince her to adopt was amazing. I actually even sent a tweet to the star (ok another confession, I love Twitter and she directly responded to me which made my day) in support of the story line. It was so beautiful and heartfelt and I was so excited for the show to take on an adoption journey.

***Before I go any further, let me write a disclaimer.....I realize that this is TV and they cannot drag things out for 2 years like real life and have to solve their issues in 1 hour a week. I get that. I didn't expect it to be as painfully long as it is in real life.***

The next week's show had them doing their home study. Only it took like a day and they met a birth mom (it is a domestic adoption). They left that feeling hopeful and excited. The next day on the show, the birth mom showed up at their house. (OK that would never happen. No way.) Of course the potential adoptive mom was drinking a beer and having fun with her friends and all sorts of kooky things about her past slipped out of their mouths, mortifying the birth mom. So a heartfelt speech to the birth mom followed about her past and how she had changed and the birth mom immediately decided she was going to give them their baby. Tears, happiness and screams ensued.

So in the last episode that I watched yesterday, the baby was doing great and ahead of schedule and decided to come a month early. Cut to shot of excited and nervous birthparents still trying to decide on paint colors for the baby's room and freaking out they won't have the room done. But it is ok, they go to the hospital and pick up their baby.

And scene! In 3 weeks of episodes, and in only 2 weeks of actual time gone by on the show, they decided to adopt, got a baby and are bringing the baby home. If only it were that easy. Like I said before, I knew it wouldn't be as long as the real process, but I think I expected them to show the pain of waiting and how hard it is to wait for your adoptive child and that it is a long and serious process. And at least take more than THREE weeks of episodes to play out the adoption story.

I have noticed that a lot of shows lately with adoption stories follow this model. I am sure it always has but my life situation has now made me hypersensitive and aware of all things adoption all the time (and believe me, I thought it was before. Being an adopted child I have always gravitated interest towards these story lines.) And I don't think my problem is with the shows per say, but maybe my own frustration in the wait of us getting matched with our child. I know adoption is a long process. I know time frames given are really broad and normally aren't accurate. I know. I have tried to prepare myself and learn that this will test every bit of patience I have in me. I have also reminded myself this is all happening in the way it is supposed to and that in the end, it will be so amazing it won't matter. But right now, I am truly frustrated. We were told at the beginning of December that we should be matched within a couple weeks with our child. I knew that it was probably unreasonable, but still had some hope. Cut to a month later, the beginning of January, when we were given a list of children and narrowed it down to 2. We were told by narrowing it down to 2 we would get paperwork and their files faster and if not, it would still be a couple months. Cut to a couple months later, still waiting for said files that wouldn't take 2 months. Our dossier has been completed, translated and certified and cannot move any farther at this point. Two weeks ago we were told that things were moving and we would have the file anyday. Well today is still any day and I still have nothing.

So I guess my frustration lies within being so close, yet feeling so far from progress. I know that is the process of adoption and this will not be the last time I am frustrated, but for tonight, I am going to be. I am going to wish I lived in a world of make believe where a baby comes to you in 2 weeks. (and side note, when my parents adopted me, they had me within 2 months of making the decision. So it can happen fast in the real world. But very, very, very rare. And don't think right now I am not bitter at them too for getting their baby so fast. ha ha)

So tonight I am mad. But tomorrow I will get out of bed, put back on my optimistic game face and hope that tomorrow is "any day" and we will get the information we need to move forward and get our son.

Stupid TV.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Getting back to the real reason I write this blog...

Updates! This should probably excite you and make you think I have an update, alas I do not.

We are still waiting on files for 2 little boys. Our Adoption Coordinator is going to Haiti this Friday and said that he would physically bring back their files for us. I tried like mad to get him to take me with him, but it isn't going to happen. Ok, I didn't try that hard but I did ask a couple times...if I had more time and been more prepared I would have begged, pleaded and bribed with him to go.

Once we get these files, Rob and I have a lot of talking and figuring out to do, which I am hoping happens quickly. The rough thing about having these boys pictures for the last 2 months is that we both have become so familiar with their faces and I have fallen in love with both of them and would, in a world where money was no object, bring them both home. But that can't happen so we are going to have to decide. I am hoping it will be similar to how we came to pick these 2 boys and that we will just know and be guided in the right direction. Decisions aren't easy for me when we are planning to go out to eat, so you can imagine how much this one has weighed on me and will continue to do so.

If all goes well, our paperwork will be sent to the Embassy as soon as we match and it takes about a month to process. Once we get that case number, we can plan our first "Bonding Trip" to Haiti. They have 2 groups going in June so I am hoping that we can be going on one of those. This trip will be the trip we get to meet our son and then going in front of the courts to declare our intentions to adopt him.

I am hoping that we will have several opportunities to go back after that. I can't imagine being away from him for 18 months. Plus, we will not bring Adriana on this first trip, so I fully intend to get back with her sometime so she can be a part of it and meet him and help with her understanding of all of this.

Stay tuned....