Monday, October 29, 2012

7 Degrees of Adoption Waiting

So every day of waiting for this adoption to be complete, I think of some new silly, and usually weird and off the wall, thing to keep me sane.  I barter.  I think that if I make certain plans, Hugo will come home faster.  I tried the whole "build it and he will come" campaign with his room.  That one was good.  It took up a lot of time and kept me occupied so I wouldn't sit around and wonder why we weren't hearing anything. It didn't bring him home but the reward of that task was really productivity.

Today I was thinking about all the different emotions I feel on a daily basis.  All the different "seasons" of adoption.  And this list popped into my head.  I think I have felt all of these.  And not always in order.  Sometimes I feel more of them at the same time.

So I thought I would share.

The 7 Degrees of Adoption Waiting

1. Elation - Look at my beautiful kid(s)!!!!

2. Sadness - It is so hard to be away from this beautiful kid(s).

3. Anger - It is so wrong that I have to wait so long to begin my daily life with this beautiful kid(s).

4. Indifference and Despair - Whatever.  That beautiful kid(s) is never coming home.  No matter what I do.

5. Stage 1 Insanity - This feels hopeful.  I have a renewed sense of energy for this fight for my beautiful kid(s).  (This is also accompanied with what I like to call a degree of bat shit craziness.)

6. Desperation and The Bad Place -  Making crazy bargains or declarations in hopes that the adoption Gods will cut me some slack and send that beautiful kid(s) home.

7. Stage 5 Insanity - This you never return from.  Welcome to your new normal.

Of course this all in fun.  I know that all of this is worth it.  Worth every moment of waiting to get to be the mommy of that beautiful boy.

This is just a piece of my crazy while I am waiting...

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Our September trip

Every trip we go on I do a slideshow.  I wasn't going to this time.  I am not sure why.  I am having a harder time recovering from leaving Hugo on this trip than I ever have before.  So much sadness.  It just seemed like too much.

But today I was inspired by this song.  I love it and I sing it to Hugo every night and hope he can always feel my love.  I don't know why it didn't hit me before to use it.  But I am glad to be inspired by it today.

Godspeed little man
Sweet dreams little man
My love will fly to you each night on angel's wings

We love you Hugo.

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