Sunday, February 27, 2011

Lessons I am slowly learning

My last post (rant) was about people being hurtful, saying means things and making me feel bad about the journey that we are on. I wrote it when I was in a very vulnerable place and had a long weekend with many comments and opinions thrown at me all at once. At places that I couldn't imagine having such conversations. I was a bit angry. A little feisty. Maybe a tad bit charged up.

As I write this, I stand by what I said. But as much as I seemed to condemn people for making me feel bad or being ignorant, I need to also remember who I can be. Someone who can be compassionate towards others for not always knowing what to say and to use this as an experience to educate, be positive and not judge others.

Adoption seems common to me and something that everyone knows about. I tend to forget that being an adopted child, it is common to me because it is my life. And I have always had an interest in it, so it is something I have been up to date on and always tried to learn more about. I tend to forget that not everyone has a connection to it, knows someone that is adopted or even has read anything about it. Most people's knowledge of adoption is through celebrities with the likes of Madonna, Angelina and Brad and others.

So that being said, I think I can be unfair at times that everyone needs to be sensitive to my feelings when it comes to this. I know a lot of people are just trying to help and want to know more and by me being upset, walking away or chastising them, is not helpful and only hurts the progress of people understanding.

Last night we were at a charity event for Pandas International and there was a lady with two little black boys that she had adopted. They were absolutely adorable and while I wanted to talk to her about it and find out their story, I realized that maybe not all people want to be bothered. I think it is like when you are pregnant. Random people that you don't know tend to tell you way too much information, give you way too much advice and often try to touch your tummy. Which to me was mortifying. Who does that? Well, once you have experienced pregnancy, you realize it is a lot of people. Maybe being constantly questioned about your adopted children is the same thing as pregnancy belly rubbing.

I guess my lesson to myself here is this. To get people to understand, accept and celebrate my family I have to be willing to be compassionate, open and honest but without judgment and anger. To be accepting of questions and inquiries about my family and be proud of the family I have created. Because for us it will be normal. Our normal.

I need to also learn the balance between being the fierce momma bear that will fight to the death for my kids and being compassionate and understanding towards others and realizing they don't always have bad intentions.

This could take a while. :)

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