And as excited as I am, my anxiousness is probably just as high. I am anxious to leave my daughter here (even though we have left her in the past and she has been fine. And my family will take amazing care of her) and anxious to travel. It is no secret I hate to fly and this trip, well, it is one of the biggest of my life to date, and I have a feeling that plane ride will seem more claustrophobic than any other flight to date. I feel like everyone should wish Rob a big good luck because he will get to deal and calm this craziness in me. Poor guy.
But it all be worth it! I will get to hold him in my arms. He will get to stay with us. But of course I worry about that too. I don't want him to be scared and he probably will be. But I hope that he will feel the love that Rob and I have and that will carry us all through.
We have bought him clothes. A swimsuit. A bear blanket with his name on it to leave with him. Things that parents buy for their kids daily and don't give a 2nd thought to. I do it for Ade. But I have never felt so excited to buy a 5 dollar swimsuit. It is such a weird experience that my first shopping trip for Hugo to be 9 month size clothes. Size 3 diapers. We will be meeting him a week shy of his 1st birthday.
We will also be coming home without Hugo. This is something my heart and head cannot even begin to process or understand. Well, my head knows. My head knows that this trip is necessary because we will get some of the steps done in this long process to get him home. My head knows that we will do what we have to do to make that happen. All my heart knows this trip is so I can meet him, hold him and see him. To love him in person, instead of from afar, like we have been doing. My heart cannot wait to get there. But cannot comprehend leaving him there, not getting to be his mom every day in every sense of the word.
And in all honesty, my heart, and head, cannot comprehend what it is going to be like. Meeting him, being with him and leaving him. I cannot begin to imagine the emotions we are going to feel. The joy, the happiness, the pain and the sadness. This is a whole new world for us. I just hope I have the strength to get through it. And remember the love, the happiness. Always the love and have that carry us through.